I recently re-watched Soul which quickly became my favourite Pixar movie to date. The first time I watched it I had watched with no context other than it had a majority black cast.
What started out as a casual viewing of a movie that had just been made available on Disney+ with great company and wine turned into me suppressing tears with a lump in my throat towards the end.
Therein this kids movie laid the keys to being content with life.
This movie touched on something not many people address in their lives which is waiting for the ‘big thing’. The relationship, the career, the opportunity or the finances that will turn their lives around. That thing that will make them happy. A thing I had subconsciously had always been waiting for but when reached it it was never as fulfilling as the dream promised.
The Joy We Feel Has Little To Do With The Circumstances of Our Lives And Everything To Do With The Focus of Our Lives
Russel M. Nelson
When I initially watched it I hadn’t made any life changes despite that fact it touched me and made me aware of my human capacity to be discontent and dissatisfied with life but I didn’t do anything beyond think this.
Rewatching again with my young godsisters present and them being largely silent whilst digesting what they were watching I wondered if it would have a more profound affect on them going forward before adult life gets in the way. Their focus is pulled in many different directions.
I then pondered on what I could do to make sure I wasn’t living in hopes and dreams whilst neglecting my present moments with friends, family and navigating my world.
The answers were largely in the movie but for those who haven’t seen it I’ll summarise how we can all avoid falling into this trap.
Take Stock and Practice Gratitude
Self reflection is the key to self improvement. Take a look at what you have rather than what you don’t. If you have an amazing set of friends. Great family. A job that pays the bills .
You might have one great friend you know you can call in at 2am who will pick up its not something to be scoffed at. A job that provides security and stability is also not something to be scoffed at even if the role doesn’t reflect where you want to be in life.
Focus on the good rather than the bad and see the bad as space for improvement rather than resentment. I’d recommend writing it out rather than just thinking about it. Something you can look at and reflect on and even update with good news.
An Honest Look At Expectations
Expectations I have personally found do more harm than good. I have found expectations built up in my overactive imagination means that reality rarely follows suit leading to disappointment even if reality wasn’t bad. It was just okay or good but in my head its a D+.
I have found that when I had little to no expectations life was given a chance to surprise and delight and those are where my fondest memories were created.
Daily Joy VS The Big Thing
Rather than waiting for those big things parties, holidays and promotions, finding joy daily in the small things snowballs into general contentment. The big things are a cherry on top but we can’t live our lives waiting for those big things to give us a shot of serotonin chasing them. It’s not sustainable and in the chase we are speeding past the daily beautiful moments in life.
Investing: Being More Intentional In Relationships
The phrase it’s better to give than to receive is an oldie but a goodie. Being present to those you love and investing in those relationships creating intimacy, trust and companionship is one of the most fulfilling things we can do.
In the film we see 22 inhabiting the body of Will Gardener and she has a conversation with his Barber. In that one conversation she learned more about him than Will had in all his years of sitting in his seat.
Will and his Barber aren’t friends but you get the idea.
It’s not something that can or should be half assed. If you feel overwhelmed with life just start with one friend. Not something we think about a-lot but friends are meant to ease the burden of living and we are meant to be that for our friends in turn. Life is tough and should never be attempted alone. Having family and friends you know will be able to speak life into tough times and get alongside you brings more lightness to life.
Don’t compare yourself
This goes hand in hand with expectations. Comparison is the thief of joy and it doesn’t take much to snatch it these days. When we weigh our lives to those around us who have achieved great things, got the job, the relationship, the opportunities we should be proud and inspired rather than jealous and bitter.
Instead of watching from the sidelines thinking it should’ve been you could also congratulate them and ask them for advice. More often than not people appreciate the kind words and are more than willing to share.
Take periodic breaks from social media and don’t compare your life in reality to the highlight reels of those virtually.
Kill The Perfectionist
If you aren’t a perfectionist lucky you. For those of us who are kill it quickly and ruthlessly. The perfectionist in us is really just disguised fear and arrogance. Whilst telling us nothing is good enough it stops us from producing anything let alone anything that is perfect or has the potential to be.
It stops the starting which halts progress in its entirety it stops us from enjoying the progress, the journey the ups and downs. The expectation that anything should be perfect when we don’t ask anyone or anything to be perfect but ourselves makes no sense.
So tell perfectionism to take leave and not come back so you can stop procrastinating and waiting for the ‘right’ conditions to start enjoying life without the expectation of something unattainable from inception.
For the first time in my life since implementing these things I have felt a weight off my shoulders. A weight set there by none other than myself.
I’m taking life slower, appreciating the little things, life’s surprises and having the best of times with my friends and family. All whilst having this thing I can call my own thats not perfect but it is mine and satisfies the part of me that wishes to connect and help people like me in a way I would have liked.
So there we have it. In short being happy is a mindset not a circumstantial thing. Always look for the positive in everything it’s always there and soon you’ll only be able to see that. You’ll be happy more content and navigating life with more energy and gratitude for each day.
It takes some practice like all things do but it is very attainable.
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