Making and maintaining friendships in adulthood can be a lot more challenging than it was during our formative years. In school, sixth form, university we see each other everyday in a fixed environment. Now in adulthood it takes more effort to see our friends than ever. Work, family and responsibilities start to get in the way and if not friendships aren’t maintained you lose them. We can wake up one day and find we have no one because at a certain point if it isn’t prioritised you lose out.
However, it is still possible to form and maintain strong, meaningful connections with others in adulthood. Below I’ll give my tips and actionable steps you can take to make and maintain friends in adulthood.
Be open to new experiences
If you are looking for new friends join clubs, groups, or organisations that align with your interests. Check out Eventbrite, facebook groups and ask around. This is a great way to meet people who share your values, passions and hobbies. It takes pressure off when you already have been brought together with a shared interest and the repetitive nature of seeing a new group of people in a structured setting allows you to get to know people over time instead of having to connect straight away.
Put yourself out there
Don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to new people and start a conversation. You never know who you may connect with. I think it is more rare for people to be unkind and standoffish than to be receptive especially because people in general don’t just strike up conversation like they used to back in the day so when you take the initiaive it’ll be appreciated and make such interactions more normalised.
Be a good listener
People love to talk about themselves and their interests. Showing genuine interest in what others have to say can help build strong connections. Actively listening to what they are saying and joining in with your own experiences and share your own stories and passions in turn.
Be reliable
When you make plans with friends, follow through on them. Being reliable helps to build trust and strengthens relationships. Communication is key, life happens and sometimes we can’t do the thing we wanted to do. If you are the one who couldn’t follow through or had to flake make an effort to be the one to reschedule and follow up on alternative plans.
People take note of these things even if they don’t say it. When you build a reputation for being unreliable in someone’s mind they will subconsciously distrust you and think you are not a person of your word. It might lead to you not being considered for future things and you getting left of of plans. So be mindful of this.
It’s not as endearing as people think when you are late, don’t show up with no word or don’t follow through on promises even when they are trivial or you don’t think your presence is necessary. If you think that way your friends will reciprocate.
Keep in touch
Even if you can’t see your friends in person, make an effort to keep in touch through phone calls, texts, or video chats. I have become a phone call/facetime kinda babe now and I really enjoy catching up and jisting with my friends. It makes me feel as if we are actually hanging out together. its not the same as following your friends on social media, laughing at something they posted, or liking photos. Social media tends to give a false sense of closeness so let your primary way of communication be direct messages.
Be supportive
Friendships are a two-way street. If your friends need support be there for them. It will help to deepen the bond between you. I have to remind myself that friends are there to ease the burden of living. While my love language is acts of service I struggle sometimes to ask friends for help even when the offer it. Think of ways you in your capacity can help/support your friends. Make sure it is in ways that is helpful to them yet sustainable for you.
Be yourself
Don’t try to be someone you’re not. People will appreciate you for who you are. It is actually the fastest way to know if people are for you or not. Be authentic with the people you meet. It removes any need to keep up appearances and leaves you feeling freer and more confident in yourself when navigating social settings.
Don’t Be Afraid To Hit Up Old Friends
In 2015 I wished an old friend from primary school ‘happy birthday’ on facebook. I remember feeling sad we didn’t stay in touch for the whole of secondary school but she was very receptive to the message and we actually ended up meeting up few weeks later. She is now one of my longest standing friendships. Whilst initially it wasn’t the most pro-active gesture it reminded me that friends you lose touch with are a phone call away. Its never been easier to keep in touch with your friends that you’ve lost touch with.
Making and maintaining friendships in adulthood takes effort and commitment, but it is worth it. By following these actionable steps, you can build lasting connections with others and enjoy the many benefits that come with having deep community and strong support system.
Okay Bye!